There are some people who wish I wouldn’t discuss this issue. I, however, believe it is of utmost importance that people are aware of the matter at hand. I say nay to those who wish to blind you from the truth that is out there. Ignorance is arguably bliss, but this topic can no longer remain in the shadows. Even long ago, ancient philosophers debated over this question. Today, it may be more relevant than ever. It has sparked anger and disgust, ended friendships and started wars. It forms the fundamentals of life. Everything we have ever believed in, ever have experienced, has been a direct effect of this unknown. Men have gone mad trying to find an answer. It is for this reason that a special team of researchers gathered back in 1964. Legend says that none of the men were heard of ever again after the first meeting. The question is deceiving; it looks simple, yet under its first layer lies a metaphysical-esque, existential core. Just when you think you’ve found the answer, you realise the question has tricked you, that you haven’t even scratched the surface of what it truly veils. You may claim there is no answer. This, however, is weakness. You are afraid of the consequences some answers may have. We as a rational species should strive to solve this problem. It is crucial to our understanding of the universe, and perhaps life itself. I am, of course, talking about the paramount matters of TurkeyPie's identity and his taste.
A Brief History and Analysis of the PieEdit
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the first reference to pie in British literature was in the early 14th century. Since then it has embedded itself in the culture. Like miserable weather and poorly managed industrial decline, pies are always with us, but are also the remedy to both.
Pies are eager to please. They are sweet and savoury. They are crisp and soft. They can be a way of using up the cheapest of ingredients, stewed down and seasoned, their modesty hidden from view by a gorgeous glazed crust. They can be a luxury item, layered with the finest of game. Who the hell doesn’t like a pie?
The Turkey PieEdit
What you must understand concerning TurkeyPie is that, unlike many pies, he cannot cleanly be classified as either sweet or sour. It is never as simple as that, when it comes to this Dutch delicacy. TurkeyPie can come off as deceptively sweet when he wishes to lure his prey in, but when one actually comes in to eat him out, they may be confronted by a vastly different reality. See, TurkeyPie's ingredients make it possible for him to taste either good or bad at will, but when demanded to taste savourly, his reaction is almost always "if only I cared".